#MeToo started a mass sharing of personal stories of harassment, abuse, assault, and rape. When I saw the first post I thought to myself, wow I am so lucky that I have never been raped. As a massage therapist, I have had more than half my clients (both male and female) admit sexual abuse and rape to me, mostly from childhood. I always walked away from those sessions grateful that I had never been exposed to such abuse. But after I read a few more #MeToo stories, I realized I needed to be honest with myself.
As a woman, I have often been cat called, grabbed in the butt at a bar, and taken advantage of sexually. I used to think it was my fault if I was wearing an outfit that was too tight or showed too much skin or if I had been drinking too much and wasn't able to hold my boundaries with men (as a young 20 year old). So I would always take full responsibility for my actions and even those of other men. But after sitting with the #METOO movement I have come to realize that it's never been my "fault". No human being deserves to feel uncomfortable with another's sexual advances. No women should ever think that it is "ok" for a man (or woman) to cross their personal boundaries. And I have finally admitted to myself that I am a #METOO. I had many boys (let's be real they weren't men yet, they were under 22 years of age) who crossed my personal boundary (often repeating actions they have seen in movies and perhaps porn). Whether it be as a young woman at the bar being grabbed, or a massage client who gets undressed because I am a licensed therapist and I trust the man who was about to massage me but he didn't know how to be ethical during his session, or trusting in a like minded spiritual dude who seems to be respectful and honoring of women but really was just trying to sleep with attractive open minded women, or perhaps it was when I had too much to drink but thought my "NO" was obvious enough to mean "NO". #METOO. But I was young and didn't know how to properly establish my own boundaries. Even as an adult woman I am still learning how to establish appropriate boundaries. Not just sexual but personal boundaries. Ones where my energy isn't vampired, my money isn't borrowed without being returned, my time is not wasted, and where I am honored for all of who I am and how I want to be treated. But let's be real, none of us are really great at honoring one another and our individual boundaries. So let's start with the one that should be the most obvious. The sexual boundary. The one where a person knows that they feel uncomfortable being harassed, pushed into sexual encounters, or convinced that they should want to be intimate. This boundary should have the clearest of lines. The one that deep within ourselves we can determine does or does not feel good. If any woman (or man) every feels like they are not comfortable with sexual words, actions, or advances, then we should all be able to respect it. Regardless of what they are wearing, if they appear to desire attention, or are "asking"for it...the reality is NO ONE is "Asking" to be raped. As a conscious aware individual, if you lust for someone, and it turns out they just aren't desiring you in that way, then can you let it be...Can you not force the energy to go past that of being friends? See I am all about this #METOO movement, it's finally time that the Matriarchal society is being told enough is enough. I am really excited for us women to step into our power and more importantly for us to be able to honor ourselves and other women. But, we have to respect the men too. We have to know their boundaries. We have to realize that both sexes fantasize about the other and then we set ourselves up for unrealistic expectations. We ALL have to reprogram ourselves to bring our connections back to the level of clear communication. Once we have clarity on what feels good inside of our soul, we must commit to expressing it. Setting up our own boundaries. Supporting one another in establishing boundaries. If we see someone being taken advantage of, no matter whether it's minor or extreme, we must step in and support our brothers and sisters. See I believe that there's many boundaries we must establish in order to be the free sovereign beings we desire to be. So let's start with the obvious one, the Sexual Boundary. Speak up and release all that has happened in the past. And then let's work together to find ways to establish our new boundary. Here are my boundaries: I will feel comfortable and at ease in all interactions. If I feel uncomfortable I will leave the situation. If I feel that others may feel uncomfortable with the same individual in the future, then I will address the individual when I feel safe (if I need to have another present for the conversation then I will leave and return to that person with someone who can step in to hold us accountable in our words and actions). I will step into my power and help any other woman or man who I feel is being violated, by asking the person if they feel safe and are ok with what is happening, but if they are not ok then I will help them to feel safe. I will protect my son from any feelings of being unsafe and I will only allow close family and friends who I have had positive safe experiences with to be alone with my son. I will honor my feelings of intimacy and never feel forced to be intimate. I will be aware of my surroundings and as soon as my intuition alarms that something feels unsafe, I will remove myself from that environment even if I don't clearly see any harm. I will encourage men who are having trouble establishing healthy interactions to get help from other men who have successfully found a way to be of balance and service to the Divine Feminine movement. I will honor my brothers who want to support the women, but also help them to remove any old paradigm programming to truly be able to support us women. What are your boundaries?
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Birthing RealityA journey into motherhood, shifting consciousness, exploring life partnership, and welcoming in the new. Archives
February 2018
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