Funny story.... my mother went to an Easter party for the community in my home town. The kids all get special Easter "things" and the Easter Bunny says hi to all the kids. There's a DJ and the kids get to dance and enjoy the festivities. Something similar happens at Christmas with Santa. But what do you do when the Easter Bunny trips and falls on his way back up on stage, his head rolls off, and yes my mother had to help him get his head back on. Now this, as an adult, is a hilarious site I imagine. One that you would see on America's Funniest Home Videos. Kids are shocked and confused and adults hold back their laughter at the ridiculous scene.
But after laughing for minutes when I was told the story over the phone, I realized that we feed our children so many false truths. The fairytales are meant to add joy and excitement to the year, yet when they find out the truth, there is a sense of confusion. Children feel let down and confused when they realize that Santa, the Easter Bunny, and the Tooth Fairy were all made up. And if those characters were made up, then what about God, Jah, the Divine Creator, or any of the other names you may label that which is greater than you? What are kids supposed to think or believe when three of their favorite imaginary idols are found out to be false? Will they then question if what you have taught them about this invisible God is real? I find this such a dilemma as a new parent. What will we teach our children? How will we allow them to enjoy the child ways of fantasizing about these imaginary idols, yet also get them to believe and be in tune with Source, the Creator? Neither Leo nor I want to lie to our children, yet we also don't want them to feel left out of the celebrations during the holidays. And then there's the fairy realm, dragons, vampires and other myths or folklore or realities that exist. We want are children to be imaginative and curious, creative and faithful, questioning and believing in a greater divine nature...but how do we establish that within them? And do so without confusion or doubt because they are fed lies about fake bunnies and gift bearing old men in suits with flying reindeer. One option is to choose is what the majority does, tell the lie and hope our children spend many years believing it. Then the day they start to question it, find a way to tell them the truth and that it is all made up. But that they have to keep pretending so all the other children keep believing. And they also will be able to continue to receive gifts if they keep pretending. The other option is to tell them more of the truth. Santa and the Easter Bunny were created to engage children and bring them baskets full of candy or gifts...but this isn't even the truth. Easter itself has many myths as to where it originated. It's meant to be a Christian holiday celebrating the resurrection of Christ, yet others believe it originally began as a pagan holiday which leads to the connection to the eggs and bunny. Regardless, the Easter Bunny himself is not real. But other children believe he is real, so be sure not to tell any of your friends and you need to let them continue to believe in him. But really our Creator is real, we promise, even though that's the one you can't see, it's the one we promise we believe in. Really? Those are the two options? One is telling a lie, and the other is telling the truth which could make our child feel "smarter", "better than others", "left out" of the fantasy, and so many other emotions. Do we trust that our little boy would be able to keep the "secret" to himself to honor the lies of the other parents? Would he be mad at us for not giving him the opportunity to believe in all the folklore? Would he upset other parents for telling their children the truth? These are some random thoughts and questions and the reality is that all parents choose different paths. We are open to hear what you have done or would like to do with your kiddos around these thoughts. We know there is not only one right way, and when the time comes, we hope to know what is best for our family.
0 Comments
A Babymoon is defined as a period of time following the birth of a baby during which the new parents can focus on establishing a bond with their child. This is seen as a very crucial time period for a family to establish itself as a whole. The mother and father take the first six weeks or so to bond with the baby and form their foundation as a family. Mama gets to find a good routine for nursing, dad gets to finally feel his baby moving around like mama has for months, the parents get to stare and and embrace feeling enamored with their little creation.
But this can also be a time of little sleep, feelings of responsibility like never before, figuring out why the baby is crying and how to meet it's needs, and all the new emotions that go with becoming parents. Then there are meals that need cooked, dishes and laundry that need washed, pets that need taken care of, bills that need paid, visitors stopping by, and the much needed physical and emotional recovery from labor. This is why a Babymoon in many cultures, tribes, and communities is supported when a group of family members and friends organize together to help the parents as they transition into building their family with the newborn. "The Chinese traditionally adhere to 30 days of restful confinement—another week for a C-section—during which time moms are meant to consume lactation-inducing soups and herbal tonics and abstain from sex and cold water. In Mexico, the ritualized interlude, or the cuarentena, goes for 40 days, or long enough for the womb to return to its place. Balinese women are not allowed to enter the kitchen until the baby’s cord stump has fallen. Dutch maternity nurses make postpartum visits every day for the eight days after childbirth, and in France, as elsewhere, new moms spend nearly a week in hospital." www.thedailybeast.com/witw/articles/2013/08/15/america-s-postpartum-practices.html When a mother has the support she needs to recover from labor and step into parenthood, she is less likely to get postpartum hormonal imbalances. The mother (and father) get to rest appropriately when they allow the world outside to continue to spin as they hide away in their home bonding with their newborn. The physical and emotional needs of the new parents are allowed to be supported without feeling like there is a to do list of chores or work responsibilities. The only responsibility of the family is to connect, share love, sleep, eat, and BE in the moment. And when this time is given without any expectations to be hosts, or go back to work, or keep a clean house, then the foundation of the family begins strong and balanced. There will be plenty of days to check emails, scroll Facebook, clean the house, run errands, and catch up with friends. But the opportunity to bond with a newborn will come and go very quickly, and those first few days and weeks can not be given a second chance. Some examples of things close family and friends may do to help the transition are: -Cook Meals or organize a Meal Train schedule -Do laundry -Take other children to school/play dates -Take pets for walks -Watch the baby so the parents can shower and enjoy a meal or a walk outside for 15 minutes without worrying about the baby -Help with breastfeeding advice -Schedule visitors for the family so they don't get overwhelmed with people constantly coming by -Pamper the mama with tea, essential oils, massage, and reading material -Prepare a bath for the parents -Sweep/dust/clean counters -Grocery shopping During the Babymoon, it's best if the parents allow themselves to stay at home for especially the first few days, but suggestively the first few weeks, to bond as a family. Parents can give themselves permission to embrace this time before and after birth, and allow themselves the following: -Lay in bed all day gazing at the baby and learning it's cues -Watch movies or read -Say 'No' to visitors, but kindly accept if they want to drop off a meal as long as they don't expect to be able to stay more than ten minutes -Let others cook meals or order take out/delivery for nourishment -Allow close family or friends to watch the baby so mama and daddy can shower together or take a quick walk -Embrace massages, tea being made, or other self care presented by close friends -Sleep when baby sleeps, even during the day! Do not feel like you have to "get things done" around the house when baby sleeps. Use this time to rest. -Make minimal (or NO) commitments to the outside world, and assume that you need at least a month after due date to be at home. -Prepare freezer meals in advance before birth so you can easily get nourishment after birth with minimal energy needed to cook -Lots of Skin to Skin Contact with baby, especially the first 3-7 days. This is great for dads too! -If people ask how they can help, give them very specific tasks (pick up dinner, go to grocery store, take other children to school, walk the dog, etc) -Encourage your partner to take as much time off work as possible the first few weeks. -Forget the messy house, it can and will be clean another day! But not this month. ;) -Love on your partner. Say "I love you", "You are a great mom/dad", "I am having so much fun having you next to me for this journey". Remember what got you to this moment, as it was the love you shared that helped you become parents! And go easy on one another, as both are experiencing new emotions and both need unconditional love and support. -Enjoy each moment!! Consider the Babymoon as an investment into your relationship with your baby and your family. If you invest just a few days (or weeks if you truly have the ability to do so), then you will receive back that much more of a connection as a family unit, a boost of energy from allowing yourself to heal, a balance of emotions by embracing the new moments as they come, and an abundance of love lifting you up as you continue to grow together. While this will be our first time experiencing a Babymoon, we are hoping to embrace as much of these ideas as possible. We are blessed that Leo will be able to do some work from home, and also get some time off work. We hope to find a balance and I personally will be laying low through at least June 2nd (3 weeks after birth). I do have a few fun workshops and concerts I hope to attend June 2nd-6th but I am open to staying home if I still need more time with the baby. I have no real commitments until mid July and I am embracing an empty calendar until then. The one thing that has been difficult for me to acknowledge is that I don't have much of a community here in our new living situation. I have family members in Pennsylvania who would love to help us but they live across the country. My mother and father will be visiting soon after the baby arrives for a week and that will be nice. But otherwise, I feel like we don't have a ton of friends/family who are able to help us with tasks to encourage us to stay hibernated with our newborn. We have come across a website for setting up a Meal Train and decided to sign up for it. This allows a few friends here and even the ones far away to help us with meals. This way anyone who lives out of town and wants to help us get a meal from a local restaurant, can sign up to provide for us since they can't make us a meal and deliver it personally. I will share the link below for our Meal Train and if you have never used it, I highly suggest checking it out! It's great for new families, but also if someone is injured or sick, or in need of assistance with meals for any of life circumstances. We would love to hear your comments on a Babymoon, what you did or didn't do, or what you would like to do with your next child. Feel free to comment below and join in the conversation! Here is the Link to Our Meal Train site: www.mealtrain.com/trains/gq473l So much has evolved in our lives the past few weeks, and I found myself driving home from an acupuncture session so grateful for all that has unfolded for us. We moved to Northern California with one friend living here, and no family. No jobs, No financial security. No answers to all the questions that run through your head when you become a new parent. The only thing we had was a house waiting for us to rent, but even that wasn't a guarantee because we weren't sure how we were going to pay for it. We left the road of traveling to nest, and we both knew that it wouldn't be easy. There's something special about going to bed at night in a new location, not really seeing where you are, and waking up the next day to the beauty that engulfs you. Or hopping into the car without an exact destination, meeting so many angels along the way who give you experiences that could never have been set or written into a daily planner. The unknown, for us, was a safety net, and when we didn't know what we were doing, where we were going, or how we were paying for meals, it always worked out because we had complete trust in the divinity that would guide us. You really learn to listen to your heart and soul, let the mind and all it's fear step aside and take the day (or week or month) off. But this move to nest brought in a new unknown feeling. We got through finding a job for Leo. In fact, he got offered three jobs before he finally ended up in his dream job. The first job he passed on and then worked a bit in solar energy. But the long days, working out of town, and spending 25 hours in the car not getting paid each week was not ideal for us starting our family. He learned a lot, worked with an amazing crew, and was grateful for the experience. But when work slowed down with solar energy, Leo got offered social media for a local music festival, California World Fest. Less than a week after beginning part time contracting work from home with them, a local venue The Center for the Arts had a position open up that he applied for. The Center for the Arts is a non-profit that hosts World Fest each summer. Leo has been wanting to work for a non-profit, specifically one that works in the arts, for years. He has been doing lots of networking and helping organize small events and gatherings in his travels. He actually walked into the Center for the Arts in January with his resume and proposed his vision on how he could help them. It didn't seem like it was going to happen for a long time, especially with a non-profit with very limited employment opportunities, but it happened! Just a few weeks ago Leo began working there, a 9-5 job, which neither of us ever imagined him doing again. Turns out, it's perfect for him and us in this very moment in time. He is bringing a new energy, new ideas, new vision to the team to help create an art center that encompasses all of the arts and the variety of ages and preferences within the community. I am so proud of him, yet again, as he chased his dream and got it. It's hard work, daily meetings and web design, with a nonstop eight hours in an office, but it's building something for the locals and even more important, the children. He is modeling to our baby boy how to find a passion and create with it. In addition to Leo getting a new job, we got a new puppy. Everyone says I am crazy getting a puppy right before a baby. And I understand why. She takes patience, commitment, time, and love. But all of it is really preparing us for the baby. I have had my moments of feeling like I took on a dog at the wrong time and questioned why we did this. But then she cuddles in and shows how much she loves us and I know we were supposed to bring her to our home. So new job, new puppy, new routines. And here I am, getting fully into nesting mode. I have organized all of the baby clothing and gear we have, and am waiting another week or two to wash it. This was at the advice of the midwives who told me if I wash it too soon, I will just rewash it again as the baby's arrival gets closer. So I resisted washing everything and will wait until week 36 or 37 to do so. We are at week 34+ right now. I have been hearing so many stories of women delivering at week 37 in the past month. So I am getting as much done as possible now, in hopes that whenever he chooses to come, I will feel "ready". Yes, I know, you are never "ready" for what's about to happen. But, I am doing things like registering my car, new Cali driver's license, organizing baby gear, cleaning up the house, paying off bills, and self care. Oh the self care! I have been treating myself to Acupuncture, Yoga, Chiropractic Care, and Massages. I try to do at least one per week. Financially it's not the best time to have a routine like this, but I deserve it and so does the baby! It's amazing how much of a difference it has made the past month. And I truly feel great. This is another thing I found myself grateful for this morning. I feel AMAZING. Yes, I have back pain. Yes, my fingers and arms fall asleep or go numb, Yes, I toss and turn more at night. Yes, I feel the need to take a few minutes to nap. BUT truly I feel incredible. I am enjoying being pregnant. I have so often seen women who hate pregnancy. And I have also been around women who never complained during pregnancy. And I find myself in both, I express a discomfort if I feel it, but then it seems to go away. I embrace having energy and feeling good. I am just so happy to be able to feel a healthy, little baby growing and moving inside of me. The gift of life is so precious and I am embracing every moment of this pregnancy. Leo said to me a few weeks ago, "You are going to miss this aren't you?". And I absolutely will miss this. I enjoy my growing belly and clothes that no longer cover all of me. I enjoy the movements in the middle of the night, even if it wakes me up. I love walking around town knowing that there is a special, unique little human hiding out for a few more weeks inside of my womb, safe from all the craziness that exists outside his safety bubble. Here I am, Week 34, the path of the unknown sits before me. This is different than the road of the wanderer. This is inside four walls, with bills and a partner with a 9-5. This is some daily routine and sleep schedule. Yet, with the schedule, the unknown feels even stronger. We are getting closer to being parents to a newborn. And with that, there is nothing known. Each child is different. Each moment, if filled with presence, will bring great lessons. So we step forward, each day, with all that is put before us. A different path than we were used to. One of existing within a society that we tried to run from. But in the end, we know, we are here to be the change. To live in our passions and do so with our family. To help the smaller community until it is time for us to step out into the larger world again with our baby. It's the path of least resistance as we settle into a bed, a kitchen, a bathroom, a deck, a backyard, internet, comforts, and schedules. But in between all of those, lies a growing family. A love leading the way. A life of purpose to build together dreams we envision. And with our roots nested in, we can help shift into the consciousness that flows from our hearts and fills every vein. The path unknown, the path less traveled, one of trust and patience, love and balance, beds and carseats. The path of a family walking their truth in a society that doesn't always make sense. And with each step we take, the more wisdom we gain to share with the next generation. Leo and I always envisioned parenting our children in a community setting. One with close friends being role models for the children and lending a hand to the parents, whether it be with dinner, discipline, or diapers. When we decided to move to Northern California, I was a little concerned because we only really had one close friend here, and both of our families were a half days flight away. But somehow we have managed to have a few more uncles living on property with us to help out with beginning a community lifestyle.
Two of Leo's best friends have moved onto the property with us. We have our house for our family, while two other men live steps away from our house. Ryan lives in the studio next to the house and is one of Leo's closest friends. They grew up in Hawaii together, moved to California when they were in their early twenties, and spent a few years on and off traveling the country together. In fact, the night I met Leo, Ryan was by his side and for the first four months of our relationship Ryan was traveling with us. Woody is Leo's other friend who settled here with us. He intended to visit, as he lives out of his van and moves around when he feels called. But something about this space offered him grounding and he decided to stay during this important time in our lives. So community parenting has begun. Our son will not only have an amazing dad as a role model and caretaker, but he will have two awesome uncles helping him grow up as well. No one knows how long we will all remain on property, but I am so excited that our son gets to spend even his first few weeks or months surrounded by so many wonderful men. I think there is something so powerful in having multiple positive role models for children in their immediate surroundings. If you look at all the relationships you have in an adult life (friends, parents, partners, coworkers, mentors), none of them are the same. Some people give you space to heal, some people give you a place to express your authentic self, others help you express creatively, another person may encourage you in your career or passion, some help you learn to communicate, others encourage your wellness routines, and some people in your life fill you with joy and balance. But no relationship is the same. So it makes sense that raising our children in more of a community setting would help them develop into a balanced, fully supported individual. I came across this study which supports all my inner feelings. It states: "This new research links certain early, nurturing parenting practices -- the kind common in foraging hunter-gatherer societies -- to specific, healthy emotional outcomes in adulthood, and has many experts rethinking some of our modern, cultural child-rearing "norms." "Breast-feeding infants, responsiveness to crying, almost constant touch and having multiple adult caregivers are some of the nurturing ancestral parenting practices that are shown to positively impact the developing brain, which not only shapes personality, but also helps physical health and moral development," says Narvaez. Studies show that responding to a baby's needs (not letting a baby "cry it out") has been shown to influence the development of conscience; positive touch affects stress reactivity, impulse control and empathy; free play in nature influences social capacities and aggression; and a set of supportive caregivers (beyond the mother alone) predicts IQ and ego resilience as well as empathy." Find the article here: www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2013/01/130107110538.htm Our modern life style, which directly effects our parenting style, has seemed to put a damper not only on our own individual happiness but also the development of our children. We live in a society where we feel so connected due to the internet and social media, yet at the real depths of it, we are more disconnected than ever. We struggle with our emotions, we find security in posting "happy" photos on Facebook, we fill ourselves and our surroundings with "things", we run from true happiness, and at the end of each stressful, schedule filled day we are still seeking something unreachable. And then we become parents and grandparents and try to raise our children around our busy life. Leo and I wanted the opposite of this. We wanted to have our own lives filled with our passions, enjoy the careers we use to help us thrive in a society based around money, and have lots of family time to enjoy nature, traveling, and creating. We envisioned having multiple role models around our children to play with them, encourage them, and support them through their young lives. And we are so happy that unexpectedly we have two amazing men living steps away from our house, sharing our acre yard, creating a space that will only encourage a young baby boy to become a man full of excitement, passion, creativity and gentleness. I am surrounded by three men who are truly helping change what the idea of the masculine is, three men who honor women and who strive towards balanced living. Having extra hands available also helps with things such as dinner, dishes, garbage, fire wood, yard work, holding the baby when I need a shower or better yet, a nap! Too many babies now spend more time in car seats, swings, strollers, and cribs than they do in the arms of loved ones. I want my baby to have as much skin to skin contact with me and Leo as possible, and having a few extra hands around will allow us to truly spend our moments in bed bonding with our newborn. "Just a few months ago, a study came out showing that early skin-to-skin contact leads to improved neurodevelopment, higher IQ, and lower rates of aggression. Skin-to-skin contact has also been shown to increase breastfeeding success, and can even make certain medical procedures less painful for infants." https://www.babble.com/parenting/cuddling-babies-study-benefits-touch/ One day, we hope to be living with even more intentional people helping us raise our family. We are excited for when that day comes, but for now, we are so grateful for having a few more adults living with us during such an important time in our life. Most of us are familiar with cutting the cord. Usually within 15-20 seconds of being birthed, the father or other family member gets to cut the umbilical cord that attaches the baby to the placenta, which is it's source of blood and life from the mother. This leads all of us to have a belly button, the one significant reminder that we were once physically attached to our mothers, thus leading to an emotional attachment on levels many people don't ever think about or look at in depth. But also, this detaches babies from a vital amount of nutrients from the placenta that can have long term effects.
The placenta is what allows the fetus to intake oxygen and blood. When a baby is delivered, the lungs take over breathing, but if the cord is cut too early, there's less oxygen support during the first moments of breathing outside the womb. The placenta also supplies vital nutrients and blood, and many researchers believe that if the baby remains attached to the placenta for three minutes, there is a significant decrease in anemia rates and also a stronger brain development. Before the 1960's, most births allowed the cord to remain attached for at least five minutes. Thinking that immediate cutting of the cord could possibly avoid postpartum maternal hemorrhage, doctors began to cut the cord almost immediately after birth. Research later determined this had no effect on hemorrhaging, but the practice continued. Since it is believed that delayed cord clamping can increase blood volume in the newborn by 25-40%, increase iron levels (reducing risk of anemia), contribute to higher birth weight (due to higher blood volume), lead to an increase in stem cells, and allow more access to oxygen during baby's first breaths, I see no reason why anyone would choose to cut the cord immediately after birth, unless there was an emergency. In fact, there are also studies that show "A couple of extra minutes attached to the umbilical cord at birth may translate into a small boost in neurodevelopment several years later . . . Children whose cords were cut more than three minutes after birth had slightly higher social skills and fine motor skills than those whose cords were cut within 10 seconds." www.mommypotamus.com/benefits-of-delayed-cord-clamping/ The delayed cord clamping only needs to be 2-5 minutes post delivery of the baby to have great results. Some mothers may choose to allow this to be a longer process, but the most benefits are received in five minutes. We are therefore choosing the delayed cord clamping, and even letting it happen past five minutes if the placenta is inside of me for longer. Our midwives will allow the baby to remain attached until after the placenta is delivered. The umbilical cord will continue to pulse blood and nutrients into the baby and once the cord stops pulsing and becomes harder, then we will clamp and cut the cord. This will allow for the baby to also connect to me and Leo while still feeling fully connected to the placenta. There will be no abrupt disconnection from me, and lots of time for the baby to receive as much as possible from the placenta. Then one of our midwives will take home the placenta and return within a few days with capsules for me to ingest! (More on placenta encapsulation in a future blog.) *********************************************************************************** Check out this awesome video of a newborn still attached to it's placenta: www.facebook.com/intactbirth/videos/1473492089330435/?hc_ref=PAGES_TIMELINE 8 reasons not to cut the umbilical cord: www.bellybelly.com.au/birth/reasons-not-to-cut-your-babys-umbilical-cord/ More articles on cord clamping: www.onetoonemidwives.org/FAQRetrieve.aspx?ID=50480 www.cbsnews.com/news/dont-cut-umbilical-cord-too-fast-doctors-say-pause-benefits-newborns/ Once we found out we were having a boy, I immediately knew that I had to bring up the topic of circumcision to Leo. Being raised in America, many people here often don't even think of it as an option, it's just something that is "normal" and everyone does. I have heard friends and family members even say that it's something they have done because they don't want their boy to feel left out in a locker room when they are in school. Or that it helps with infection rates. And many other reasons why they have chosen to remove a part of their son, within a day of him being born. Even Leo is circumcised, so it wasn't something he thought about until I brought it to his awareness that we would need to make the decision on what to do. I have always felt deep down that it would be a horrible thing, injuring my baby after the trauma of birth and then tie him down and cut off part of his penis. It was put there for a reason, wasn't it?
Originally circumcisions began as a religious act, but now most people just do it without thinking about the reasons. Although, some health insurance companies recently have stopped paying for it in America. Leading to a reduced rate of circumcision because of finances. Some people argue claims that newborns who are not circumcised have a higher UTI rate. In my research it appears that this is often because parents forcefully retract the foreskin before it naturally does on it's own, in order to clean it. With proper education and cleaning, would the UTI rates be reduced? I actually investigated a little further and found this 8 year study report finding; "Animal experiments reveal that in the presence of hydrogen peroxide and halide or pseudohalides, soluble peroxidase in the prepuce has an antimicrobial activity.23 Plasma cells in the mucosal lining of the bovine prepuce secrete immunoglobulin under the epidermis into the preputial cavity. In response to pathogenic bacterial infection, preputial plasma cells increase.24 Antibodies in breast milk are ingested, then excreted in the urine where they prevent Escherichia coli from adhering to the urinary tract and inner lining of the prepuce25 An 8 year prospective study that controlled for genitourinary abnormalities found no difference in the rate of upper urinary tract infections between circumcised and intact boys.26 ". And there is this quote as well; "The circumcised penis is more prone to infection in the first years of life than the intact penis.28-30". I don't want to yet think about my little baby boy's sexual activity. But it's a reality of his life, after all it's how he came to be. So as I researched I found there are many differences during sexual intercourse as well for an intact penis. "One function of the prepuce is to facilitate smooth, gentle movement between the mucosal surface of the two partners during intercourse. The prepuce enables the penis to slip in and out of the vagina non-abrasively inside its own sheath of self-lubricating, movable skin. The female is thus stimulated by moving pressure rather than by friction only, as when the male's prepuce is missing." Most importantly for me, I feel that injuring my child on purpose just after he has come out the womb, could potentially cause much trauma. I found this to confirm my inner guidance; "Changes in infant-maternal interaction have been observed after circumcision, including disrupted feeding and weaker attachment between the infant and mother.[4,5] The American Academy of Pediatrics Task Force on Circumcision (1989) noted behavioral changes resulting from circumcision in their report.[6] The behavior of nearly 90 percent of circumcised infants has been found to be significantly changed after the circumcision.[7] Differences in sleep patterns and more irritability – both signs of stress – have been observed among circumcised infants [8,9,10]. Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) is a normal response to an event in which a person’s physical integrity has been threatened or violated. Forced genital cutting is a direct experience of sexual violence, so it fulfills the criteria as a psychogenic cause for PTSD.[11] Taddio et al. studied the behavior of babies at first vaccination. They found that circumcised boys have a much stronger reaction to the pain of vaccination than do girls and intact (non-circumcised) boys, which the authors suggested is an “infant analogue” of PTSD.[12] Other authors also have reported PTSD in circumcised males.[13] Rhinehart reported on four cases of PTSD connected with neonatal circumcision in middle-aged men that he encountered in his psychiatric practice.[14] Ramos and Boyle reported PTSD in 70 percent of Filipino boys who experienced ritual circumcision and 51 percent of Filipino boys who experienced medical circumcision.[15] Cansever tested young boys before and after ritual circumcision and reported that these children had a tendency to seek safety afterwards through emotional withdrawal.[16] Based on relevant literature, clinical experience, and statements from circumcised men, Goldman suggests that reduced emotional expression is the primary potential long-term psychological effect of circumcision.[17] A subsequent study found that circumcised men had significantly increased alexithymia (difficulty identifying and expressing feelings) compared to intact men.[18] www.doctorsopposingcircumcision.org/for-professionals/psychological-impact/ There is even more information on the trauma if you click on the link above to read more. Overall, I feel that if my son is to have his penis circumcised, then he should be the one that chooses the removal of the foreskin. He can have it surgically removed when he is old enough to make a conscious decision. But I can not force him to have a part of his body removed when there is no real reason to have it removed, based on my opinion formed after some research. To me, it seems like we have been designed pretty perfectly for all functions. So why try to step in and play God, yet again, and remove a part of the human body that was put there for a reason? I have attached some links below if you are interested in reading into more details on the information I found. This truly is a parent's choice, and I do not claim that mine is the best. But my choice is based on what my inner guidance as a mother is telling me to do. And it really helps that Leo and our midwives all agree on the decision. ******************************************************************************************************** Quotes from a study were found here: www.cirp.org/library/disease/STD/fleiss3/ Care of an uncircumcised penis: www.yourwholebaby.org/basic-intact-care/ www.doctorsopposingcircumcision.org/for-professionals/care-of-the-intact-penis/ www.cirp.org/library/normal/aap/ Here is an article I first read when thinking about the decision: http://www.greenmedinfo.com/blog/foreskin-why-it-such-secret-north-america There is a film being released this summer on American Circumcision. Check out a sneak peak here: http://circumcisionmovie.com/trailers/ A Birth Plan is essentially a written out plan for your birthing team, to let them know your preferences for managing pain, labor/delivery plans, and options you are open to as labor progresses. This could be a good idea if you are birthing in a hospital so that your health team has a little memory refresher of what your vision is for your labor. But in reality, we live in a society that tries to have most labors go in similar ways. Before a natural labor starts, they offer an IV to induce you. Once a woman is feeling a lot of pain, they offer an epidural. If your labor is progressing slowly, they recommend a C-section. Or they even schedule your C-section weeks to months in advance. I have personal opinions about this way of doing things... First, how can you possibly know that a baby would be at the perfect time to be delivered weeks in advance? We again are trying to play God with the birthing process.
Recently, "Researchers have identified two proteins in a fetus' lungs responsible for initiating the labor process, providing potential new targets for preventing preterm birth. They discovered that the proteins SRC-1 and SRC-2 activate genes inside the fetus' lungs near full term, leading to an inflammatory response in the mother's uterus that initiates labor." (https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2015/06/150622162023.htm) This means that the baby's lungs determine the start of labor! Once the lungs are fully developed and able to fully fill up with oxygen outside the womb, they release proteins that tell the mother's body to release Oxytocin, which starts the contractions and begins labor. All of the preplanned inductions and C-sections have the possibility of removing a baby from the womb before it is fully able to maximize it's breathing capabilities outside the uterus. Yes there are emergencies when a woman has high blood pressure or the baby truly becomes distressed which makes a C-section a good option. But, with how much money doctors can make from C-sections, and the fact that C-sections started out only being used for truly an emergency, it makes me question why our country has so many prescheduled operations. In the United States, we have a 32% C-section rate. Other developed nations in northern Europe have less than 15%. "In the last 15 years, the rate of C-section has gone up by 50 percent in the United States. According to Jeffrey Ecker, chairman of the American Congress of Obstetricians and Gynecologists’ committee on obstetric practice, that rise “has not been paralleled by any important fall in rates of things like cerebral palsy” — in other words, outcomes that C-sections are often performed to prevent.C-sections themselves pose some risks to babies, and can create serious complications for mothers, such as hemorrhage, infection and post-partum depression. Having a first baby by C-section leaves a woman with a 90 percent chance that subsequent births will be by C-section as well. And with each C-section, the risk of serious complications rises." https://opinionator.blogs.nytimes.com/2016/01/19/arsdarian-cutting-the-number-of-c-section-births/?_r=0 As women, we are designed to birth a child through the cervix and out our vagina. Yes, there may be intense pain experienced, but what many women don't know is that there is a high percentage of women who actually have sensations that are orgasmic in nature during the birthing process. Why don't we ever talk about the joy and love that is felt when Oxytocin is released through your body to enhance contractions and get the baby out? The "love" chemical pulses through our body when the baby's lungs are able to inhale oxygen at an optimal level. This initiates the contractions, but also sends a euphoria of "love" through the woman, hence the immediate feeling of being totally enamored with your baby the second it is born. Those feelings are bypassed when a woman is cut open and the baby taken out by the doctor via C-section. Now I want to reiterate, I am not against a C-section. If there truly is an emergency and the surgery would save the mother and/or baby's life, then absolutely that should be the route taken. But as a whole, here in America we are too rushed in life to give our baby and our bodies that time they need to fully birth a child. There are many things that can contribute to a slow birth. We have bright lights, less than ideal forced birthing positions, and medical personnel who have become disconnected with the natural flow of life, as they instead pay attention to a doctor's shift end time and not as much on the baby's natural birthing process. In fact, the natural birthing process can be extremely slowed down from a variety of factors, including who is present in the room and how comfortable the laboring mother feels with these persons. I am reading Ina May's book Guide to Childbirth, which is teaching me a lot about the natural birthing process. Here are three quotes from the book that I find to be important to consider when going into birth....Your body is capable when given the appropriate time and supported environment and there is a physiological process that takes place during labor, in which we, as the laboring mother, must feel completely comfortable with our surroundings and those in our presence that can help stimulate or halt progression of labor. "Contrary to myth, for instance, intrinsic physical characteristics only rarely interfere with the capacity to give birth. In other words, your pelvis is probably big enough for vaginal birth. Nearly every woman's is. Mental attitudes and emotions, on the other hand, interfere with the ability to give birth far more than is generally understood." ****************************************************************************************************** "I was fascinated to learn that most doctors once knew that an unwelcome or upsetting presence could stall labor. They knew it the same way that farmers knew about the birthing behaviors of animals—it was common knowledge, accumulated through observation, that was passed down from one generation to another. But when the pool of home-birth knowledge dried up, knowledge that was once common became rare or even extinct. The fact is that most doctors are no longer in a good position to note that their own presence in the birth room or their hurried manner can often retard labor. We must remember that the mind/body phenomenon described in the nineteenth-century textbooks is no less true now than it was then. The problem is that doctors today often assume that something mysterious and unidentified has gone wrong with labor or that the woman's body is somehow 'inadequate'—what I call the 'woman's body as a lemon' assumption. For a variety of reasons, a lot of women have also come to believe that nature has made a serious mistake with their bodies. This belief has become so strong in many that they give in to pharmaceutical or surgical treatments when patience and recognition of the normality and harmlessness of the situation would make for better health for them and their babies and less surgery and technological intervention in birth. Most women need encouragement and companionship more than they need drugs. Remember this, for it is as true as true gets: Your body is not a lemon. You are not a machine. The Creator is not a careless mechanic. Human female bodies have the same potential to give birth as well as aardvarks, lions, rhinoceri, elephants, moose, and water buffalo. Even if it has not been your habit throughout your life so far, I recommend that you learn to think positively about your body." ****************************************************************************************************** "Michel Odent, the well-known French physician, has contributed greatly to our understanding of the physiology of birth by explaining the function of the human brain in labor and birth. He distinguishes between the neocortex—the newer, rational part of the brain, which plays a role in abstract thought—and the primitive brain, which governs instincts. The primitive brain, or brain stem, is also considered to be a gland that releases hormones. All female mammals, including humans, release a certain number of hormones such as oxytocin, endorphins, and prolactin in the process of giving birth. Stimulation of the neocortex, on the other hand, can actually interfere with the birth process by inhibiting the action of the primitive brain in hormone release." ****************************************************************************************************** In reading this book, I have come to realize how much our society programs women to believe that all labor is excruciatingly painful, that we need drugs to get through it, that we should opt for surgery in non-emergency situations, and that it's a horrible process to have to go through labor. Now, I am not saying it's easy, but I would like to continue to work on all the limiting beliefs that have been engrained in my mind about the birthing process. I would like to believe that all the challenging work of pushing out a baby is totally worth it. I will have spent nine months growing a little human inside of my body, and when the day is finally here to push him out, I want to feel ready, willing, and able to do the work. All great things in life take effort. Great relationships, great careers, great physical/mental/emotional stability all takes effort. It's going to be a choice on how I go into the birthing process. And since I have never experienced it before and since I want to be open to allowing the baby to come out in divine timing, I have found that my "Birth Plan" is pretty simple. My Birth Plan: I Surrender. I have very select people allowed in my space, and no one unexpected will enter the room. I have freedom to move my body and change positions as much as it feels natural to do, including (but not limited to) being in water, standing, squatting, being on hands and knees, sitting, and lying as my internal wisdom guides me. I have gentle music, or energizing music play as my body and mind needs. We allow the umbilical cord to remain attached to our baby for as long as possible before clamping, preferably at least thirty minutes (future blog post). We choose to not circumcise our baby boy (another future blog topic). We keep our baby in our sight at all times following the birth. We allow my body and the baby the time and space for the best birthing process possible. We are open to all advice the midwives have, and we trust in the process. This does Not mean we would not do anything surgically necessary if there is an emergency. We will allow for the process to happen. We will be patient and trust. We will keep a close monitor on my health and the baby's health and make any important decisions in the moment they are needed. We will birth our baby the way billions of women have birthed their children, with love and support, trust, and allowing the inner voice to guide us through the process. The big ol' baby registry....it's the one thing any soon to be mom's are aware they should sit down and make. Some women love it, they get to pick out all the things that society tells us we need in order to be a successful mom. Some women, don't know where to begin. And some women (I fall more into this category) like to pick the essentials, but also feel bad asking others to buy the items for us. And that is where baby showers come into play. The registry gives your guests an idea of what you need and makes it easy for them to help you as you move into motherhood.
My mother threw us a surprise shower back in December, which resulted in many gift cards since we were moving across the country and wouldn't have room for lots of gifts. This was a great idea and has allowed us to buy things as necessary during our slow prep for the baby. We have a few Babies-R-Us cards left, in which we plan to make a large purchase, such as a car seat, stroller, or rocking chair for the nursery. There are still a wide range of random items we need before May, and since we just moved to California, I don't anticipate a shower with friends, so I didn't think about making a registry. But a few family and friends from across the nation have asked us to share our registry. So here I sit, looking at all the remaining items I may, or may not, "need" to bring our baby into the world. I struggled with this concept....how much plastic can I avoid but still have all the essentials? What is essential for us during the first few months of raising a baby? What items could we buy reused and cheaper? What items would I feel good about having used with/on the baby? What is safe in our standards? What items have unnecessary chemicals that we can avoid using or find alternatives? What items do many moms buy or receive as gifts, but never actually use, so we can avoid them? Wow, so many questions! I did a little research and found these suggested "Must Haves" that seem relevant to our life: -Infant Car Seat X -Stroller (Best is infant car seat and stroller combo) X -Swaddle Blankets -Baby Wrap (for mama/dad to wear) X -CoSleeper (or Bassinet) with Sheets X -Nail Clippers X -Thermometer/Health Kit X -Nursing Pillow X -Onsies AND tshirts (t's are best first few days to let umbilical cord heal) X -Sock, Mittens, and Hats X -Infant bath tub (if you have a good sink, then you don't "need" this one!) -Baby towels/washcloth -Bibs/Burp Cloths X -Diapers (if using cloth, perhaps having a biodegradable pack for the first week) X -Diaper Cream -Wipes X -Diaper Bag X -Baby Monitor (questionable depending on size of house) X -Baby swing or bouncer....there are cheap ones and expensive ones....and I found one of each that seem to get great reviews and give parents some time with free arms... X -Amber teething necklace X -Teething toy---Click here for a natural rubber, highly rated one -Breast pump X -Bottles/Nipples X -Bottle Brush or Steam Cleaner *X is next to items we have at least one of* So there is the list that I now am attempting to fill. It's crazy how many "things" we suddenly need to bring a little human into the world. Imagine living centuries, decades, or even twenty years ago...I feel like so many items wouldn't even be on this list...But there they are, awaiting for us to go buy them. So needless-to-say...I reluctantly sat down over the past few days and finished a Registry...wishing we could live without so many items, yet accepting that there are so many helpful inventions out there that will make parenting just a tad bit easier. I shifted into gratefulness that I could sit on my couch and look at items that are recommended, consider our beliefs and possible parenting practices, and click on the items that others want to buy us. Really, how amazing is it that there is a vast community spread across the nation who want to help us step into parenthood. People sending us well wishes, getting excited to see our pictures of sonograms, feeling the joy of becoming Aunties and Uncles, and helping us celebrate this new path we are forging together. It's so comforting to think that we have so many family and friends that are going to be helping us with our journey. Whether it be words of support, helping cook us meals, watching the baby while we nap, calling and skyping with us to share in the excitement of each phase of new life, and even going so far as to want to help us purchase items from a registry. We are blessed. This union, and birthing of a new life and new reality has made me so aware of all the blessings we are surrounded in. So with all of that, I will share with you our registry. Thank you for requesting it. Thanks for your support. Thank you for reading this blog as we venture into unknown territory. Thanks for sharing your experiences. Thank you. Click here for Our very first Baby Registry I sit hear listening to a friend's music, Amber Lily, with words that sing angelic melodies,
"So let the rain come down, so thirsty the ground Let it fall until the rivers flow again "So let the rain come down, so thirsty the ground Let it fall until the rivers clean again Man tries to control the water, building dams to fuel his empire Can't change the fate of the river, she'll make it to the ocean" In the past year, I have witnessed our Mother Earth and all the destruction by the humans. We fight for clean water, and the powers at be try to hold us down. The money hungry businesses are mixed in with our government, and as I am part of the mothers who are bringing in the next generation, I just can't understand how other mothers don't see the importance of water. Water is Life. Mni Wiconi. You can NOT survive without water and oxygen. Water makes up our cells. Water gives life to other plants and animals, which give us life. Is it really that hard to see the dots that connect? The more the water is allowed to be destroyed by oil, pollution, coal, and ignorance, the less we as a species have a chance of surviving. I love the ancient Indian proverb, "We Do Not Inherit the Earth from Our Ancestors; We Borrow It from Our Children" As a new mother, I am questioning more each day what it is we need to do to allow our children, and the next seven generations to live a life full of abundance, clean land and air, fresh water, and all that they deserve to thrive. As Leo and I settle in Northern California, we clearly see the way Mother Nature really is in control. The area we moved to has received over 200% of it's normal precipitation as we watch rivers flood and dams threatening to break. Do humans really believe they can build a dam and it will outlast Mother Nature's powers? Why do we try to play God? Our ancestors worked with the land and natures cycles. But in the past 100 years with the Industrial Revolution, we have destroyed those patterns, destroyed the land, destroyed that water, and are destroying the future for next generations. And those of us who are trying to speak out and save the water and help future generations have all they need to survive and thrive, are being held down by the powers at be. Flint, Michigan has children being poisoned from unsafe water for almost three years. Standing Rock Reservation is about to lose their guarantee of safe water. Coal and oil have become priority over humans, and now the corporations are trying to make profit off water. Please all mothers, wake up. Our babies need water. So everyone says BE THE CHANGE. And that is what we find we are doing as we settle down to nest. We sit in the dark often, heat with our wood stove which is using wood that has fallen naturally or been used to de-branch some pine trees to prevent forest fires from raging through in the summer time. We try to be cautious when we use energy. We all shower less than four times per week. We try to make the least amounts of trips into town, and when we go, we carpool and Leo, our friend Woody (who now lives here), and I run all the errands in one trip. We have tried to see how we could be even more efficient and decided that we will start cooking in the wood stove instead of the oven. We also plan to have the three of us and our other friend Ryan (who is moving into our studio this weekend) decide on one day per week to use no electricity. We can use candles and the fire in the stove, and get a solar battery pack for electronics. Which brings me to my very proud moment of the week. Leo and Woody started working for a new Solar Power company with our other good friend and his friend who is a master Solar Power man. In fact, it's just the four of them for now as the main crew, and they have so many awesome projects lined up already. Leo had been offered a position as a Store Manager for a new cell phone store coming to town, but after sitting and considering what we believe in and our goals for the future of our family, community, nation and world, taking the leap of faith with a new Solar company was in more alignment with our hearts. He said no to benefits, a guaranteed 40 hours a week, and the opportunity to be a manager because, at this point, we all need to be living a life we believe in. I am so excited for Leo to jump into the knowledge of solar energy and to be part of the change. So please, if you are reading this, share with us in the comments on how you are living to BE the CHANGE. Let's inspire others and get re-inspired ourselves in how we can move forward together, to help our children and the next seven generations have a life of not just surviving, but THRIVING. **You can find Amber Lily's music here: https://amberlily.bandcamp.com/ ***You can move your money into a local credit union account so your money isn't being used to fund big projects that destroy our planet. ****Calling representatives seems like a daunting task, but it literally takes less than 60 seconds and has been working already this year. We need our representatives to work for us, and not the money that is getting put into their pockets. *****Flint water facts : http://www.cnn.com/2016/03/04/us/flint-water-crisis-fast-facts/ ******Military Police State protecting Profit of Oil company over Native land rights https://www.facebook.com/KFYRtv/videos/10154355835084103/?hc_ref=NEWSFEED All week Leo and I had been seeing articles on Friday's Full Moon in Leo. Interesting, we thought, because Leo is an Aquarius and everyone thinks he's a Leo...We are in Aquarius season currently and the moon was about to be in Leo, full with an eclipse. A big night for endings and new beginnings. As we led up to the full moon, I kept hoping that this moon would help us shift into less arguing. I would say we have less arguments than many, but we discuss deeply into them, sometimes taking something that many couples would brush aside, and instead dissect it into a millions pieces to get to a resolution. This can be draining energetically, it can be challenging when your hormones are all over the place and you want to just go to bed. But Leo refuses to let me sweep anything under the rug, because in all reality, it will just resurface at a later date, and often when it really isn't even relevant. I also try to get Leo to see that there are times when we can "let it go" because arguing over one sentence that was said five hours ago, and letting our egos control the conversation can seem to get us nowhere. Sometimes I love dissecting and finding resolution, and other times I am so exhausted from it, that I would rather forgive and move on quickly.
As the full moon approached, I hoped it would bring an ending to any unnecessary disagreements. Well let's just say, both of us had trouble communicating our thoughts the day before, the day of, and the day after the full moon. Yes, three full nights of not seeing eye-to-eye, which we have never experienced before. Thursday night our evening started off by celebrating Leo getting a job. He finally overcame the hurdle of having to work to pay for our living expenses and bringing a baby into the world. He got interviewed to be a manager of a new store opening in the area, and completely amazed the woman interviewing him. He was offered the job on the spot. And while both Leo and I have visions for what our life and work situation in the future will be, for this very moment, we just need him to work. And I wanted him to at least find a job he would enjoy. I knew he would get the job, and I had complete faith that he would provide for me and the baby. The bigger my belly gets, the less I feel I will be able to or desire to bring in an income. I want us to be comfortable with finances so when the baby comes, we don't even have to think about paying bills. But for Leo, he hasn't had to consider finances for anything in his life in years. Traveling as a way of life takes you out of the job realm, and into a way of life that is simple and allows for abundance to show up in many forms, not just money. So stepping back into this box of working was a huge challenge. And Thursday night, we celebrated. He got a job, saw the big picture of how it could benefit him in the future and how he would be able to help the company to become established in the community. So, we went out to a Mexican Restaurant and hoped to enjoy the moment of him being proud of himself and me being happy that he was happy. The meal was amazing, but as we were finishing up, a conversation led to some disagreements and us not seeing eye to eye. Leo felt a bit disappointed and I felt like I needed to stand up for my view and what my inner voice was telling me to pay attention to. Once we each refused to see the bigger picture and one another’s views, the evening went downhill. I naturally wanted to move on, allow us to enjoy the end of the meal, but Leo wanted to dissect each and every word around the situation and we went from celebration to silence. We got in the car and went home. When we got to the house I wanted to just relax with him. I wanted to feel the peace and happiness of him finding a job that's good for him and our life in this very moment in time. I wanted to sit with him and read some baby names. But after our conversation, which led to him feeling hurt, he had another trigger with feeling hurt by old friends in our community when he got on Facebook. I was too exhausted to hold space for his processing. I ended up going to bed and let him do his own processing, meanwhile feeling like my feelings were hurt and that I couldn't believe a celebration so easily came down to a really frustrating night. Friday when we started the day, I hoped for Leo’s presence. I took a few moments of him being distracted with Facebook too personally, and as I desired his presence and help, I was left with little patience when it seemed like he had other priorities. This led us into a seven or more hour discussion which turned into the biggest fight we have ever experienced together. At first we had silence, and then Leo decided he would create a platform for us to be vulnerable. The intention was for us to connect deeply through our hearts and express our intentions and expectations. But between his ego and mine, between me not listening enough and him not letting me talk, between him putting himself on the platform and expressing his struggles and me refusing to share what my struggles are, we fought. We yelled, we cried, we whispered, we sat in silence. I tried to hold space for my conversation with Leo, and simultaneously surround the baby in my womb with love and safety from experiencing any of my emotions connected to the argument. Holding space for a conversation that was the toughest we have ever had, and also keeping the baby surrounded in love and trying to get our baby to know that he didn't need to feel my personal emotions and could be a witness to the human experience but not feel my stress, all this led to me being drained. I couldn't think straight, I could no longer focus on the words Leo was saying. And for the first time in our entire relationship, I felt fear. I was scared that we may not find resolution and move forward together through this. I was scared that I was watching our relationship crumble. I was scared that the Full Moon in Leo may not have been the end to our fighting because we stepped back into dialoguing and healthy discussions, but because we fought so much on the full moon that we decided to never fight again, that we would decide to just walk away because it would be the easy way out. It seems too many people do this now a days...they just walk away when the relationship becomes “work". We live in a “throw away” generation. We don’t like to work for results, we like to get rid of things after something new comes into our awareness. This includes computers, phones, cars, houses, and even relationships. I was heart broken. I cried more than I have cried all year. I got lost in my emotions. I saw the doubt in Leo's eyes and I cried even harder. I thought he needed some space to breathe, so I went into the bedroom to calm down so I could eat some food and give nourishment to the baby. I was relieved when twenty minutes later Leo came to bed. He crawled in and started to fall asleep next to me. I closed my computer and cuddled in next to him. And the fear crept back in, what if I was losing this man. The man I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. Twice during the day Leo said "for better or worse, in light and in dark, through good times and bad" and I was happy that he was committed to the long haul. But now, hours later after many words and tears, I felt like I was losing him. I rolled onto my side and felt Leo snuggle in and spoon me, wrapping his arm around me with deep intention. I felt his love, and I cried some more. I love him so much. I cannot fear the future because so many relationships only make it one year, ten years, three decades....and our relationship was no guarantee. On any given day, one of us could walk away. But in that moment, I knew that this is the first time in my life I wanted to truly work for it. Truly give my all, by being vulnerable to my own weaknesses in a union with another person. I wanted to be held accountable by Leo and I wanted to hold him accountable (we always have done this, and loved this about one another, but now I wanted to take it even deeper). I wanted to feel like I could have my lowest day of the year, and have him cuddle me at the end of it, with arms still full of love. I wanted to raise our family, travel the world, build a home, share laughter and tears, joys and fears. I wanted to spend my life with this man, and I cried myself to sleep in this feeling. The following day, we picked up with our hurt feelings. We struggled to communicate. We grew frustrated with ourselves and each other. We had moments of silence, moments of sadness, and finally moments of clarity. We both were having trouble expressing and listening, but in the end, we both wanted to work through it. We were exhausted after three days of trying to talk through emotions, but we did it. In the end, we both tried talking a little less, and listening a little more. We shared our fears about becoming parents and also life partners. Here are some of my fears I shared and also that new fears I found deep within myself after my conversations with Leo: I fear being a single mother. I fear Leo's father issues will manifest into him being an absent father. I fear that I won't be the kind of mother I strive to be. I fear that I will be too judgmental within myself as I learn to parent and that I will feel like I am not a good enough mother. I fear that my child will become sick, or even worse, I fear that my child will have to witness me being sick or dying. I fear that my own mother will not live long enough to become a Mimi to my baby or that my baby won't become as close with her if she does live because we live so far away. I fear labor without my family. I fear that I won't want to go back to work because I will want to be a full time mom. I fear that I will want to work all the time because I am not living up to my own standards of being a good mom. I fear that I am watching my relationship disappear as we suddenly are arguing so much this week. I fear that my stress over money will destroy my relationship with Leo. I fear that Leo never has really loved me. That he wanted love but that he didn't actually fall in love with me...he just fell in love with the idea of me. I fear that I won't be confident in my skills as a massage therapist or yoga teacher in this new community and I will just let those passions dissolve. I fear that one day I will just stop making love with Leo because sometimes it feels like he won't allow vulnerability and complete open heartedness in the bedroom. But in all these fears, I have faith in life. Leo always tells me to trust and have faith, but in reality I really do trust and have faith at the end of the day...so in that trust, it's easy for me to observe these fears and let them go. I fear that this is not good enough for Leo. That he won't understand that after almost dying, I have come to a place of really allowing trust and faith to take over deep down, even in areas that it appears I have no faith. That almost dying has allowed me to process things quickly and let go, but in a healthy way. I am afraid he won't believe that I want to do the work, or that he won't see in little ways, each day, I do the work. I desire to know more of what I need to work on, I want to continue to grow daily. And I am afraid Leo won't believe it. That he won't want to grow with me anymore. I want him to know that I am an open book, and I am not trying to hide anything. I have dark and light in my past and present, and I am not afraid of it. I am willing to put it all on the table... We shared where we wanted to be held accountable by the other person. And magically, we found our balance again. We found our passion. We found our love. I have never known a love so beautifully challenging, but it's challenging because we don't allow one another to hide from any of our deep emotions, even the subconscious emotions that haven't crept all the way up to the surface. We actually dig into each others subconscious and try to help accelerate the process of conscious awareness within each other. And this accelerated relationship is as beautiful and challenging as it could ever be. The Full Moon in Leo helped me surrender even deeper to the love I have for Leo, my partner, my best friend, my lover, my balance, the father of my child. And I can only hope that this awareness of deep love can bring an even brighter new beginning into our communion. As I took time to edit this blog, and to decide how much of the three days I really wanted to share with the world, my friend handed me a book. I opened it to a random page and found something very fitting that I would like to share. Being human has brought this lesson many times into my reality. While I know many things deep down in my soul, putting them into daily practice with strangers and even more importantly, with those you love, can be a challenge. But if we allow ourselves to surrender to life and come to place of grounding deep within, we can step into living a life of awareness. From Don Miguel Ruiz Jr.’s Living a Life of AWARENESS: “ Respecting Others’ Point of View” No one else in the world thinks or feels exactly the same way you do about life. To think and to feel is an individual experience. As a result, no two people will have the same point of view. Sometimes our viewpoints are so closely aligned that the differences aren’t readily apparent. Other times, our viewpoints are so far apart it may seem difficult to find any common ground. The key to respecting the opinions of others is to have an open mind toward your own point of view. When you look at your beliefs and viewpoints with openness, it becomes clear how attached you are to them. Without an open mind, you will constantly try to subjugate others to your own point of view, oftentimes without even realizing it. Being aware of your level of attachment to your own beliefs, ideas, and point of view allows you to respect the thoughts and feelings of others. Practice With awareness, examine your own beliefs and viewpoints the next time you disagree with someone. Although you may not change your viewpoint, being open to other possibilities and perspectives will allow you to respect the viewpoint of the other person.” |
Birthing RealityA journey into motherhood, shifting consciousness, exploring life partnership, and welcoming in the new. Archives
February 2018
Categories |